/ ascii gallery & origin story

the gallery of ancient digital artifacts

welcome to my personal collection of ascii art. some of these were recovered from floppy disks found in my parents garage. others were transmitted to me telepathically by a fax machine in 1997.

>> the origin story


    *  　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　   　
  　　　　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　 　　　　　　　 ✦
  　　　˚　　　　　　　　　　　　　　*　　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　✦
  　　 .　　　　　　　　　　 ✦ 　　　　　　　　　　 　 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍ 　　　　 　　　　　　　　　　　　,
  　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　　. 　　　　　　　　　　.　　　　　　　　　　　　.

it was 1994. i was 7 years old. my dad brought home a beige box with a turbo button. i pressed the turbo button. nothing happened but i felt faster.

i opened notepad.exe and typed "hello computer" and waited for a response. the computer did not respond. but i knew. i KNEW it was thinking.

that was the day i became... a silicon based life form.

(the computer was actually just frozen. classic windows 3.1)

>> the classics

fig 1. "the robot" (circa 1998)


      ___
     [o o]
    /|=:=|\
      d b

my first robot. he has no arms because i didnt know how to make arms. his name is gerald.

fig 2. "the fish" (1999)


       ><((('>

this fish was sent to me via ICQ by someone named xXx_DarkAngel_xXx. we never spoke again but i think about them often.

fig 3. "shrug guy" (eternal)


    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

this is my business philosophy visualized.

fig 4. "the owl" (2001)


    ,_,
   (O,O)
   (   )
   -"-"-

wise. all-knowing. probably running on 56k.

>> advanced specimens

fig 5. "computer doing its best"


     .---.
    /     \
    \.@-@./
    /`\_/`\
   //  _  \\
  | \     )|_
 /`\_`>  <_/ \
 \__/'---'\__/

this is what your laptop looks like from the inside. he's trying his best. be nice to him.

fig 6. "the coffee situation"


        ) )
       ( (
      .-'-.
      |   |]
      `---'

essential fuel for automation. this cup has been refilled approximately 10,000 times since i started this journey.

fig 7. "the cat on keyboard" (universal experience)


    /\_/\  
   ( o.o ) 
    > ^ <
   /|   |\
  (_|   |_)
  
  [asjkdfhlaksdjfh] <-- actual output

every automation expert has lost at least one deployment to a cat walking across the keyboard.

fig 8. "money printer" (what everyone wants)


     _______
    |       |
    | $ $ $ |=====
    |_______|  ||
       ||      ||
    ___||______||___
   |   AUTOMATION   |
   |________________|

this is literally what happens when you automate correctly. trust me. i would never lie on a webpage.

>> deep lore

fig 9. "the workflow" (2024)


  START
    |
    v
  [idea]
    |
    v
  [google it]
    |
    v
  [find tutorial]
    |
    v
  [tutorial is from 2019]
    |
    v
  [try anyway]
    |
    v
  [it doesnt work]
    |
    v
  [cry a little]
    |
    v
  [ask AI]
    |
    v
  [it works???]
    |
    v
  SUCCESS*
  
  *results may vary

fig 10. "the stack"


         _____
        |     |  <-- your dreams
        |_____|
        |     |  <-- 47 chrome tabs
        |_____|
        |     |  <-- notion docs you'll never read
        |_____|
        |     |  <-- unfinished courses
        |_____|
        |     |  <-- good intentions
        |_____|
        |     |  <-- actual work
        |_____|
       /       \
      /  YOUR   \
     /  LAPTOP   \
    /_____________\

>> the prophecy


  +-------------------------------------------------+
  |                                                 |
  |   "one day, the humans who learn to speak      |
  |    to machines will be free.                   |
  |                                                 |
  |    free from the spreadsheet.                  |
  |    free from the manual data entry.            |
  |    free from copying and pasting               |
  |    the same thing 47 times."                   |
  |                                                 |
  |                   - ancient IT proverb         |
  |                     (i made this up)           |
  |                                                 |
  +-------------------------------------------------+

and that's why we're here. learning to speak to machines. becoming silicon based life forms.

[back to homepage] [back to top]

last updated: whenever i felt like it
best viewed in: any browser from any year
optimized for: people who appreciate low-effort high-impact aesthetics